Heart, Spirit & Mind

April 1, 2013
by hsm

Understanding anger will set you free to love

angerThere are times or experiences in our lives that can be difficult and illicit very strong feelings. Some of the strongest emotions we feel are anger, forgiveness and love. These three emotions effect all relationships. The closer you are to someone, the more these emotions will effect your relationship.

Forgiveness is a difficult emotion for some people to master. Often hurt, resentment and feelings of betrayal get in the way of forgiveness. Lack of forgiveness toward a person who has hurt you however can be destructive. It can be a poison that slowly kills love until the relationship is unsalvageable.

In order to forgive someone, you must first express and release your own anger. Expressing and releasing your feelings is critical to begin healing. In order to do so you must first fully understand your own feelings of love, anger and let go of your resentments. Doing this will allows you to move on. It frees you from your own hurt and opens the space in your relationship for total forgiveness. Continue Reading →

February 13, 2013
by hsm

What is a moral compass?

moral-compassWhat is a moral compass?  Simply stated, it is the thing inside of us that tells us which direction we should go when we have to make decisions involving right and wrong.  This is how we judge a person’s character and whether they will make a moral and good decision.

Many claim to have a simple formula on how to evaluate a person’s character. When you hear their opinions on it, it is clear that they form the basis of their opinion on only a single issue.

This is wrong because the sum of a person is not whether they make no mistakes in judgement. Instead it is the quantity and quality of those mistakes. A person could otherwise live an upstanding life, be very moral and very good in so many ways, and yet be guilty of a personal failing on a single issue. Continue Reading →

January 27, 2013
by hsm

How to fine-tune your relationship

Fine tuning relationshipPeople often believe that a sign of a good relationship is one that is free of fighting and squabbling.  Unfortunately, that is a misconception.

The truth is that happy relationships still have their ups and downs.  While it is not pleasant to have disagreements, they don’t have to mean the end of your relationship.  It takes a lot of maturity to be in a relationship with another person. There will always be issues that need to be resolved and obstacles to overcome.  When done constructively, relationships will build stronger bonds.  If done unconstructively, it can lead to unhappy relationships.

Even the best partnership has areas that could stand growth.  Here is a guild to help improve your relationship: Continue Reading →

November 25, 2012
by hsm

Self-deception in relationships

DenialDenial.  To a greater or lesser degree we all do it. Some of it is pretty harmless. However, there are other times when self-deception is far more extreme. In fact it can be disastrous for relationships.  Self-deception can often reach a state where people are unwilling to look at themselves and their situations as they really are.  They have deceived themselves into believing their own truth which is often more about what they want to believe rather than how things are.  People will justify and rationalize their behavior and their decisions.  People in denial often will not accept the truth from people who know them best.  They perceive the opinions as flawed or biased. It is necessary for them to believe this so they can continue to perpetuate their self-deception.  When you are close to a person who deceives themselves, it can cause a lot of pain.  The self-deceiver will preserve their self-image at the expense of the well being of their relationship.  Many people do not want to face such challenges and instead chose to resists or quit when someone they love challenges them to grow.  They instead develop strategies of resistance such as: Continue Reading →

October 27, 2012
by hsm
1 Comment

Hurting the one you love

I ran across this article and thought it summed up a kind of enmeshment phenomenon that I only discovered in the past few years. This article focuses on the mind of the abuser rather than the victim, or recognition of the signs of abuse.  It explains how abusers tend to brainwash their victims by taking over their personalities. I’m going to excerpt it. Continue Reading →

August 30, 2012
by hsm


codependencyWhat we live with we learn; what we learn we practice; what we practice becomes habit; our habits have consequences.”

Codependance at first glance sounds like a wonderful state for a relationship.  You are one with each other. You depend on each other. Doesn’t that sound great?  There is a fine line between, “this is good” and “this is necessary for my survival” or “I will let you trample over my boundaries” or “do what you will to me”.

Codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving toward ourselves and others that can cause pain. These habits can lead us into, or keep us in, destructive relationships that don’t work. These behaviors can prevent us from finding peace and happiness with the most important person in our lives… ourselves. Continue Reading →

August 10, 2012
by hsm

Getting over a breakup with a soul mate

Heart breaking apartWhat do you do when you meet the man of your dreams, and at the very apex of your relationship, when everything seems to be going so well, suddenly ends it with you?

As someone who has been through this, and who has counseled others through this, I’m going to tell you, it won’t matter if he gives you a legitimate reason, or if he tells you nothing. Understanding ‘why’ won’t give you the closure you need. Continue Reading →

June 4, 2012
by hsm

Relationships with emotionally immature people

Emotionally immatureEmotional maturity is defined by the ability to control your emotions and take full responsibility for your life along with its opportunities and dramas. A large part of being emotionally mature is having the ability to handle anger, disappointment, guilt, resentment, fear, jealousy, disappointment, grief, insecurity, and a myriad of other feelings appropriately. Emotional maturity is defined when you have the ability to experience these emotions and then quickly let them go. People who are immature seem to remain stuck in these negative emotions, unable to get past them. Continue Reading →

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