You have been with your partner for a long time. You have been through many trials and tribulations and you survived, but you aren’t thriving. You have worked at your relationship and given it your all. You’ve even tried counseling. You have tried to put leaving the relationship out of your mind, but it keeps coming back. You know things just aren’t working right, but you remain indecisive, unable to decide whether you should leave the relationship.
The reality about relationships is that when things are no longer mutually beneficial, it may be time to move on. If one or both people remain unfulfilled, it is simply healthier to find a relationship that works for you and gives you what you need rather than cling to a relationship that doesn’t. Many people remain unable to leave unhealthy relationships. Instead, they use all of their energies to prop up a sagging relationship. Life is too short to spend the rest of your life “working at” making it work. Relationships should enhance your journey. One shouldn’t give up their journey in order to take on someone else’s.
It’s unfortunate, but many people do not decide where they are going, and then seek out others who are on a similar path in order to see where you might fit together. Instead, they find a person, and try to fit a person into their path. And that only works if you are lucky enough to find someone on a similar path as yours.
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Many people have given up their dreams, plans and future to “fit” into someone else’s vision of the future. It can be very difficult to end a long-term relationship because people forget how to be self-sufficient. Fear of loss and insecurity fuels desire to stay in unhealthy relationships. If we accept that we’re alone throughout our entire lives, even when partnered, it can be quite liberating.
Reasons to break up
Most relationships experience their ups and downs. Couples work through these times. There are no formulas for deciding when the time is right to end it. But there are things you could look for.
- You aren’t getting what you want or need from the relationship. If you’re not happy, your partner won’t be either.
- You can’t communicate with your partner. If communicating with your partner is too much work because of dissimilar communication styles, that can be a problem.
- You don’t look forward to spending time alone with your partner. Even if the sex is great, if you don’t enjoy talking with your partner, prefer time with others, then you have a problem.
- You compare your partner to others. When you are in love with someone, you don’t compare him or her to others. If you find yourself doing this, you should re-evaluate your relationship.
- You try to change your partner. Often we fall in love with people who don’t suit us. Instead of realizing that, we try to change them. If you find that is the case, it may be time to move on.
- You’re doing all the giving or receiving. Relationships should be mutually beneficial. If it is unbalanced, then the relationship is unhealthy.
- Your friends don’t like how you behave around your partner. Your friends are often the people who will be the first to see when your relationship has turned sour. If your friends have noticed, you should take notice.
- You don’t feel good about yourself. If you don’t feel good about yourself in your relationship than you may want to look at your relationship.
Even if it is perfectly appropriate to leave a relationship, you will still feel a significant loss. In order to get through this you have to feel sadness and grieve the end of your relationship fully before you move on.